😂 Humor Quotes

“I am not afraid of death; I just do not want to be there when it happens.”

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”

“I did not fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.”

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”

“A day without laughter is a day wasted.”

“I am so clever that sometimes I do not understand a single word of what I am saying.”

“Age is something that does not matter, unless you are a cheese.”

“I have not spoken to my wife in years. I did not want to interrupt her.”

“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”

“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”

“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.”

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”

“Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.”

“The elevator to success is out of order. You will have to use the stairs, one step at a time.”

“I could agree with you but then we would both be wrong.”

“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.”

“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”

“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.”